What do you want?
Dear Brothers,
I hope you have enjoyed your respective holiday weekends (Canada's July 1st and US's July 4th) safely and with family and friends.
Last week I had spent in New Orleans facilitating a course for Leadership Development Week hosted by Executive Leadership Council (a Black lead organization in support of Black executives achieving excellence in corporate America).
The heat and humidity in the French Quarter was enough to kill anyone. The food was incredible. The speakers and my fellow facilitators and organizations were just amazing and inspiring to work with.
It was the participants that made the week extraordinarily special. Once they knew this space was free of White people, their guards went down, opening them up to be courageous, vulnerable and ready to learn and to be challenged. And they had fun! They laughed with each other as if surrounded by family and friends not peers or colleagues.
Many of them had grabbed me between and after our classes to ask me specific questions and share their life stories. I heard many of their challenges with their bosses, peers, communication, presence, mindset and even direction with their careers.
In almost every conversation I would ask this question, "What do you want?"
I would get this blank stare because they've never been asked this question before or even considered this question for themselves. One senior director I spoke with, circled around this very question for almost 30 minutes. It rocked him to the core. Like many of my participants, they knew what they didn't want but lacked clarity of what they really wanted.
As Black persons they shared an agreement - don't be selfish and thank God for what you have.
The trouble with this mindset for many, is that they find themselves in positions where they maybe highly effective but are not fulfilled, satisfied, or find any joy. I spoke with one woman, a senior vice-president of a tech organization, a high-achiever who's afraid that she'll get promoted to a C-suite position. She loves technology but never wanted to be an executive. She feels an enormous obligation to her company, bosses and to women in her organization to accept each promotion as they come. Then there was a senior manager of a manufacturing plant. He's a highly effective people leader with a natural ability to solve very complex business problems and can see the bigger picture where his organization is concerned - qualities of a senior executive. Unfortunately, growing up in a small town in the South, he taught himself early in life to hold back his smarts so not to embarrass his friends. He transferred this mindset into his career by playing small, and accepting small roles. To avoid boredom, he keeps his mind busy with administrative tasks he could hire people to do, and solving puzzles. Not only could he easily take on more responsibility within his company, he knows he can do it.
Because both are unclear of what it is they really want they can't ask for it, and they are in situations they don't want to be.
It's important as self-led men to ponder this question, "what do I want?" What do you want for yourself and for the people you love and care for? By asking this question, you can discover what gives you purpose, passion, direction, fulfillment, and satisfaction. It empowers choice. It can inspire creative energy on what is important to you. And saves you the anguish of living a life that is burdensome, directionless and meaningless.
What you want doesn't have to be grand. It doesn't have to inspire millions of people on TikTok or make you lots of money. Though it could. It should be authentically important to you, aligned with your core values and be enough so that in your later years you’re not regretting not having answered that question.
Inquiry - What do you want?