What Do You Want?
Dear Brothers,
Last week, I was in New Orleans facilitating a course for Leadership Development Week, hosted by the Executive Leadership Council (a Black-led organization dedicated to supporting Black executives in achieving excellence in corporate America).
The heat and humidity in the French Quarter could knock anyone out. The food was incredible. The speakers, my fellow facilitators, and the organizations represented were inspiring to work with.
But it was the participants who made the week extraordinary. Once they realized the space was free of White people, their guards dropped. They opened up—courageous, vulnerable, ready to learn, and willing to be challenged. And they had fun. They laughed together as if surrounded by family and friends, not just colleagues.
Between and after sessions, many participants pulled me aside to ask questions and share personal stories. I heard about their struggles with bosses, peers, communication, presence, mindset, and even career direction.
In almost every conversation, I asked one question: “What do you want?”
More often than not, I was met with a blank stare. Many had never been asked this question—let alone asked it of themselves. One senior director wrestled with it for nearly 30 minutes. It shook him deeply. Like many others, he knew what he didn’t want, but couldn’t name what he truly desired.
As Black professionals, many expressed a common belief: don’t be selfish—just thank God for what you have.
The problem with this mindset is that it can leave people highly effective, yet unfulfilled. One woman I spoke with—a senior VP at a tech company—fears being promoted to the C-suite. She loves technology but never aspired to be an executive. Still, she feels obligated to accept each promotion—for her company, her bosses, and for the women who look up to her.
Then there was a senior manager at a manufacturing plant. Brilliant, strategic, and a natural leader, he has the qualities of a top executive. Yet growing up in a small Southern town, he learned early on to hide his intelligence so as not to embarrass friends. That habit carried into his career: he “plays small,” takes on minor roles, and fills his time with administrative tasks and puzzles just to keep his mind busy. He knows he’s capable of more, but fear and conditioning hold him back.
Both of these leaders are unclear about what they really want. And because they can’t name it, they can’t ask for it—leaving them stuck in roles they don’t truly desire.
That’s why it’s so important, as self-led men, to ask: “What do I want?”
What do you want for yourself—and for the people you love and care about?
Asking this question unlocks purpose, passion, fulfillment, and direction. It empowers choice. It sparks creativity about what truly matters to you. And it saves you from living a life that feels heavy, aimless, or meaningless.
What you want doesn’t have to be grand. It doesn’t need to go viral on TikTok or make you millions—though it could. What matters is that it’s authentic to you, aligned with your values, and meaningful enough that, in your later years, you won’t regret not having asked yourself this question.
Inquiry: What do you want?
With love
Charles